What’s Hip Hapnin?

Somebody sent me this powerpoint I thought it was pretty funny so I modified it a little bit and now I am sharing it with you.

I Laughed, I Cried, I Hurled…

This is also my first trial run actually using slideshare. So far I really like it. If you aren’t familiar with slideshare it is basically youtube for powerpoint. So far thought the big difference is most of the content is actually very good and professional instead of amateur like YouTube (until I uploaded this stupid one)

Here is another very interesting link on the same subject. Don’t click on it if you have a week stomach. Ultimate Colon Cleanse

Clay Blackham is testing that stuff right now he says it is going well but no alien babies yet.

So April has been one of the worst/craziest/hardest/longest/stressful months of my life there are about 100 stories to tell but let me just put up the latest development.

I would like to tell you that I have some great story to tell about slamming down a few red bulls and then reinventing EXTREME! The truth is far more boring.  I just woke up with it…I know weird huh. About a week ago I got up in the morning and I couldn’t walk it felt like I had sprained my ankle.  So I waited a couple days because I am a tough guy (cheapskate that doesn’t want to pay for the doctor) and it got worse instead of better.  So then I went to see Dr. H. Gary Morley Doctor of Podiactric (sp?) Medicine  .  He had fixed my other foot after an 18 mile run dislocated a bone in it.  We don’t know what is wrong with it.  It isn’t sprained, it isn’t broken but my goodness it hurts.  I have two theories, foot cancer, or the gout.  I am not sure what gout is but it is just as likely as anything.  Gary thinks I’m nuts he says if he can keep me from moving it then it will get better.  We will see who is right in the end.

If you have never had a hard cast here are a few things you may never have imagined.

1. It’s really warm when they put it on.  As it dries it heats up and it is very soothing.
2. You feel like a pirate because it clunks when you walk on it
3. after a few days they really start to stink
4. you can’t get them wet so you end up doing this weird pelican stance while you are in the shower. Very dangerous - please review the Karate Kid before trying this at home.
5. Last night I woke up 3 times and I was totally inebriated with sleep as I tried to unlace this weird boot.
6. for some reason you are required to decorate them with crappy cast Graffiti - casts are really hard to write on so everything looks like crap. somebody should invent a shrink wrap cast cover that is perfect for decorating and you can add to your scrapbook later.

Well whatever the problem is it needs to be fixed quickly because I just registered for the St. George Marathon in October and I am getting fatter by the second.

Fact - I invented fat guys running marathons on October 6th 2007
Fact - My nickname has been “fatboy” since the 7th grade - ask anybody they will tell you
Fact - My wife is way more attractive than me
Fact - I better get something from these guys - I will settle out of court for some free swag

I have always like Obama better than Hillary but that second image in row 1 might win my vote. I didn’t know we had the same hobbies.

Garfield is better without Garfield

What a great use of a Tublr account.

In the spirit of removing things I googled: “take the” + “out of”

Yogurt may take the bite out of gum disease
take the shock out of culture shock
Take the sting out of SAX - Java World
9cays: Take the pain out of group email
Taking the Bite Out of Bruxism
Amazon.com: Take the Fight Out of Food: How to Prevent and Solve …
Take a Bite Out of Cyber Crime
Ceramic Hybrid Needles Take The Sting Out Of Shots
Reason Magazine - Take the Federal Out of Farming
Yogurt may take bite out of gum disease - Health care- msnbc.com

Yogurt made the top ten twice - that must be some amazing story!

This is my greatest fear: I am having a digestive emergency I rush to the bathroom and the only stall that is open is the handicapped stall.  I am in there for a while and the other stalls empty out.  Then before I can totally finish I can see under the door somebody has rolled up and is waiting for me.
The bad news is this happened today.  The good news is it wasn’t me.  I went into the bathroom and all the stalls were open but one.  Sitting there waiting patiently was a friendly looking guy in a wheelchair.  When the dude came out of the stall and saw what he had done he was apologizing all over the place.

24

I am working on a web redesign project right now with a great ecommerce consultant, Sally McKenzie. It is a huge project that is supposed to be completed in 9 months but will probably take 12.  We are doing some innovative things that will make this client relevant on search engines and put them far ahead of the competition.  I will talk more about this project later. Today Sally shared a great example with us that had been created by a friend of hers (sorry friend I would give you credit but I don’t know who you are) I have taken this example and I am going to share my personal/true version of this example.

We were on our way back from California where we had spent thanksgiving with my wifes parents.  As you can image at the end of a holiday weekend like this traffic was very heavy.  We heard a blizzard was coming but because I had to be at work Monday morning we decided to go for it and thought we could get through the mountains before it arrived.  As you are guessing we didn’t make it…and neither did the other 1,000,000 cars on the road that night.  So there we were bumper to bumper traffic in the middle of nowhere Utah.  Crawling along at about 2 miles per hour as the snow continues to pile up.  Then it hits me…I shouldn’t have had that gatorade at our last stop.  But I am thinking I am a big boy I can make it.  We will just pull over at the next gas station it couldn’t be more than 30 or 40 miles to the next stop.  An hour passes and we have not made it very far.  I have to pee so bad I am starting to sweat.  I have tipped me seat back a little to give my now aching bladder just a little more room.  I am pretending to pay attention to whatever my wife is talking about when really I am just weighing my options.  I realize now I will never make it to the gas station so I decide that I will pull off at the next exit and take care of things.  With this goal in mind I am full of optimism and hope sure it is really really painful but I am a man I can take it.  Then another 20 minutes goes by and there is no sign of an overpass.  I begin to panic, the pain is crazy now and I am pretty sure I am just going to pee my pants.  I keep thinking of Tycho and I begin to pray that I don’t share the same fate.  Finally I give up I have to take action now.  I slam on my brakes in the middle of the highway jump out and begin to pee.  As the pressure is released I  finally begin to notice my surroundings.  I am right  in the middle of the highway.   When I slammed on my brakes  my car slid to the middle of the road blocking both lanes.  Headlights of about 500 minivans are pointed at me and they are all honking.  The snow is deep and I am almost up to my knees and I am wearing flip flops and shorts.  I also noticed that my windshield wipers are completely iced over and haven’t been working for some time.  (Later my wife told me she had pointed that out many times and that I was really scaring her).

So what is the point of this story? I was so focused on my goal of not wetting my pants that I was completely oblivious to everything else.  Our website visitors are the same.  They may have an urgent need something that is at the forefront of their mind and until we address that need we can’t pay attention to anything else.  So ask yourself, are you letting your customers pee?  Or like Tycho are they dying because you are leaving them unfulfilled.  Just like I became aware of my surroundings after solving my problem your customers will do the same.  But don’t let your goals get in the way of their goals.  Let them pee and once they are fulfilled they will be able to pay attention to your other services and offerings.

Powered by ScribeFire.

I am actually kindof stoked on the Joe Perry connection.  That one kind of makes sense.